To become the best version of yourself easier than you think.
I have tried to fit in as a “square peg in a round hole and I would change myself just to fit in.
For my boyfriends:
- I would diet to be thin enough so I could feel good enough and loved
- I would socialize more so they would be happy with MY socialize life
- I would become the arm candy for them so they could boost their self-esteem with me
For my friends:
- I would say what they wanted to hear just to avoid fights
- I would do what they wanted to do so there would be no issues
- I would be available when they needed me so they could never tell me I wasn’t a good friend
In the mean time I felt miserable. No matter how much I tried I was the one who was suffering all along because I just felt awful.
And the best thing of all that no one really put a knife to my throat to make me do things they wanted. I was the one who felt I needed to do things in order to have boyfriends or friends.
And somehow intuitively, in my gut feeling I knew I needed to do some digging and grow myself as person.
The philosophy that stopped me dead in my intellectual track was from Brene Brown’s research professor:
“Fitting in is about assessing a situation and becoming who you need to be to be accepted.
Belonging, on the other hand doesn’t require us to change who we re, it requires us to be who we re.
Belonging is the innate human desire to be part of something larger than us. Because this yearning is so primal, we often try to acquire it by fitting in and by seeking approval, which are not only hollow substitutes for belonging, but often barriers to it.
Because true belonging only happens when we present our authentic, imperfect selves to the world, our sense of belonging can never be greater than our level of self acceptance.”
Just image when you try to change yourself in order to fit in by changing who you are and people still don’t like you. That can really suck the life out of your soul.
But if you show up with your real self knowledge you represent who you really are, people who like you will stay in your life and the ones who don’t will leave. At least you know who are the people you can truly be yourself.
After making the shift in mind and have a different perceptive on things my whole life changed for the better.
Here is how:
Knowing my addictions to weight loss was only an issue of lack of self-worth. Understanding that no matter how small or big I am, I deserved to be loved. I found the guy who loves me just the way my body looks. NO more dieting to be size 0. Life is beautiful.
Understanding my people pleasing patterns were only leading me to feel miserable at the end I stopped it. People who loved me anyway, they stayed in my life.
Realizing co-dependency was part of my life not because I chose it but the way I grew up and the personality I was born with were just the perfect mix to me wanting to be co-depending. And changing it is possible.
Being aware of my favorite activity which was being in a victim mode and try to push the responsibility onto others help me immediately to get out of it.
In A Nutshell:
Life happens FOR you, not TO you.
“If I get to be me, I belong. If I have to be like you, it’s fitting in.”Brene Brown
Realizing it can be a game changer to become the best version of yourself.
Hope this helps,